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Laugh Out Loudly.....

The jokes I am listing here are in a way contributions from my friends. Especially from friends like Sunil, and Wesley, who has no job other than forwarding any thing they get to all email id's they know..  Sometimes  I get  mails saying "Forwarded message attached". I open the attachment, it again reads - "Forwarded message attached.." What is it? Reading this, please dont stop that forwarding job, atleast until you get another job..

Make a Wish

Did u hear this ???

TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, (to the entire class) who discovered America?
CLASS : Balgobin!

BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.


TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the


TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"


TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers
before eating?
BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!


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A  little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this  was wrong, she must say,
"I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you  Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but
mother says I'm not."
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play  with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can
find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

You Ask Him
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Computer is He or She

A college professor, who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her." He often wondered what gender computers   should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked togive 4 reasons for their recommendation. The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in  the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2.They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3.They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4.As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3.Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Marriage Jokes

Getting married is very much like going to a  restaurant with friends.   You  order  what you want, then when you see what the    other   fellow has, you  wish   you had  ordered that. 
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his  bachelor's degree   and  the  woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father,"Daddy, how much does it  cost to get   married??"
  And the father replied,"I don't know son,  I'm still paying  for it."
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of  marriage, the   man  speaks  and the woman listens. In the second year, the  woman speaks and   the man  listens. In the third year, they both speak  and the  neighbours   listen. 
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,"You know,  I was a fool   when  I  married you." And the husband replied,"Yes, dear,  but I was in love  and 
didn't notice it." 
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you  can be sure of   one  thing : either the car is new or his wife. 

Wedding Dress

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"